Patience is a Virtue

Most people attempting to hail an elevator will see its slow-moving closing doors and panic. They then stick an extremity out in an attempt to keep the doors open, thus ensuring them a timely ride to their destination. Sometimes, a patron already on the elevator will have the wits and reflexes to hit the “DOOR OPEN” button, or to put their own extremity in the way of the closing doors. However, this is rare, especially on crowded elevators. Because I am odd…I like to wait in busy lobbies and wait for this situation to arise, that is, I wait for crowded elevators with slow closing doors. When I see a full car’s doors closing, I make a mad dash towards it. Just as the doors are closing, instead of my arm or foot, I use MY HEAD to stop the doors from closing. I then over exaggerate the pressure of the doors and pretend my head is being smashed. A little cherry candy will turn your saliva red and give the illusion of major head trauma. It is important NOT to actually get on the elevator (make sure you use your arms to close the door after your performance, its quite easy to do). It will leave the people on the car terrified. Next time, they will think twice before trying to shove things in front of closing doors. Its important to remind people to excercise a little patience…#elevatorsarefun

Don’t Half-Ass It

Sometimes when I see someone running at a great distance towards the elevator, I can’t help but to get excited. The possibilities of potential outcomes are endless. Will they make it? Will they miss it? Will someone attempt to halt the elevator for them? Will the social norms of elevator etiquette be too much for everyone to handle?! Whenever I see this person running to snatch the elevator I make sure they know I see them.  I then push my back against one of the elevator doors to ensure they don’t close. I get down low and in a panicked voice I yell at the person, “HURRRRY!!” The person usually attempts to hurry. I then make my eyes really big and look past the person coming towards the elevator and make a shocked/scared look. I then yell, “HURRY!! THEY’RE RIGHT BEHIND YOU!!!” I wave them towards the elevator. At this time, they look over their shoulder and hurry even faster, sometimes looking panicked. There is also a feeling of panic throughout the whole car as the patron enters the car. I then act completely normal and ask them, “What floor?” Its important to remind people that if they are going to do something silly, like run to catch an elevator, they may as well do it wholeheartedly….#elevatorsarefun

Leap of Faith

Whenever I am in a financial building or a building full of uppity business professionals, I feel elated. These are the best elevator rides. If I am in a suit, this is even better…because I blend in. In these situations I like to do an elevator “oldy but goody”. I go to the highest floor possible and take the elevator down. As the elevator moves closer and closer towards the lobby, I make sure the patrons on the elevator are aware of my excitement.  I bend my knees and giggle. If we have to stop along the way towards the lobby, I like to say to the people getting on, “ OH MAN! You ruined it!”. This often causes a few confused looks, but nobody is more the wise. As we plummet towards the lobby I say, “You ready? You ready?!” More confused looks. Just as the ticker is about to hit the lobby floor I make a great leap towards the ceiling and come crashing down as the elevator reaches the ground floor. Just like you did when you were a child. I let out a “YES!!” and accompany it with a fist pump. I then gather myself, look professional as possible and take a fake cell phone call about a fake “huge deal I am closing” as I exit. Its good to remind people not to take themselves too seriously….#elevatorsarefun