Eye Contact

by DJ Glitterpussy

I really hate how making eye contact with someone is, seemingly, one of the worst things you can do on an elevator. People look up, or look down, or pretend to look at their phones. As if making eye contact with a stranger would cause the car’s cables to break, or its hydraulic system to fail. I like to introduce myself to people on elevators. I look them in the eye and shake their hand and don’t let go for a long time. This is quite awkward and inappropriate to do. However, to me it is less awkward than pretending to be interested in the lighting or the granite floor of the elevator. As an added bonus to my awkward introduction, as the patron is leaving the elevator I will shout, “Tell your mom, everything is going to be all right!”. I then very quickly hit the “DOOR CLOSE” button. I don’t want a follow up question. As the person leaves the elevator lobby on their floor they will think, “IS my mom okay? Who was that guy again?”. The patron is then likely to call their mother to check to see how she might know a strange guy on an elevator, and whether or not everything is actually “all right”. It is important to remind people to call their mothers and to remember names during introductions….#elevatorsarefun