Patience is a Virtue

Most people attempting to hail an elevator will see its slow-moving closing doors and panic. They then stick an extremity out in an attempt to keep the doors open, thus ensuring them a timely ride to their destination. Sometimes, a patron already on the elevator will have the wits and reflexes to hit the “DOOR OPEN” button, or to put their own extremity in the way of the closing doors. However, this is rare, especially on crowded elevators. Because I am odd…I like to wait in busy lobbies and wait for this situation to arise, that is, I wait for crowded elevators with slow closing doors. When I see a full car’s doors closing, I make a mad dash towards it. Just as the doors are closing, instead of my arm or foot, I use MY HEAD to stop the doors from closing. I then over exaggerate the pressure of the doors and pretend my head is being smashed. A little cherry candy will turn your saliva red and give the illusion of major head trauma. It is important NOT to actually get on the elevator (make sure you use your arms to close the door after your performance, its quite easy to do). It will leave the people on the car terrified. Next time, they will think twice before trying to shove things in front of closing doors. Its important to remind people to excercise a little patience…#elevatorsarefun

Silent But Deadly

Sometimes when I am getting on a long elevator ride with a person whom I don’t know… if possible, I like to let out an SBD (Silent But Deadly) fart. Just as the smell engulfs the traveling car, I look at the other person and roll my eyes or shake my head in disgust. If they aren’t looking at me, I make a gasping noise to ensure they are aware of my disgust. I love watching their face change from surprise, to denial, to embarrassment to disgust. I can tell they want to deny it, but they NEVER do. As they exit the elevator they may think it’s gross or rude, but later they realize I have just given them a great gift. A great conversation starter for future conversations with lighthearted coworkers. Finding interesting and comedic things to talk about with people can be difficult. I have also reminded them that “who farted?” is, and always will be, one of life’s great mysteries….#elevatorsarefun